The Reality of Grief

Ram Dass once said "The quieter you become, the more you can hear." Be still and listen. It is something that I took to heart and started doing after Charlie was born. Any decision or stressful thing in my life, I would just be still and listen. I've always come up with the answer. Sometimes my own will overpowers my mantra and I struggle and stress about the answer. Once I let it go, the answer always comes.  I've done it a lot since Catherine died. In the beginning, the idea of cleaning out her room seemed unbearable. People suggested I turn her room into my own craft room. I was opposed to both ideas. As far as I was concerned, I was never cleaning out her room and I wasn't ever going to craft again.  Over time, I did start to craft again. But I was still opposed to touching her room or even moving in there. It seemed like the worst idea and that I was a traitor of some sort. I didn't want to benefit in any way from her death. Until one day I just d

Last week wasn't a good week. Not sure if it was the weather being so cold and grey or if my thoughts and memories got away from me. But it was rough. Last Thursday was Senior night for Lebanon High at the football game. We knew it was coming. But seeing all the photos of Catherine's friends on Facebook, being walked down the football field by their parents, was just a bit much. So I cried. And I moped around. And then dear friend called and I let it all go. I told her that we are stuck in this time warp where everyone is moving forward and we are just stuck and I cried. No senior night, no prom, no senior photos, no graduation. It all just goes by, and we KNOW that we are supposed to be there but we aren't because Catherine is gone. To be honest, I'm really dreading graduation in May. That was the finish line that Catherine and I set. It was the moment that we got to prove that we did it. We grew up together, she was graduating high school, and I proved everyone wron