When Catherine died, I wept to my dear friend about all the things I was going to miss due to her death. Prom, concerts, marching band, senior pictures, graduation, and a million other things. She graciously offered to share her daughter, my daughter's best friend, for some of those events. And she did. This school year, their senior year, I've been to band concerts and band competitions. I've carried on the sticker tradition, bringing Julia a sticker from places we go, just like Catherine would. We've done birthdays and Thanksgiving. In turn, Julia (and so many of Catherine's other friends) have stepped up in so many ways. Whether it be a comforting hug, playing the role of big sister to my boys, including me in school gossip, or sharing stories about Catherine, these kids have brought so much love and comfort to our lives as we grieve the tremendous and profound loss of our daughter.
So when Julia's mother handed me a framed photo and envelope the other day, I wasn't surprised to see it was her senior picture and a graduation announcement. While I was sad, the photo made me so incredibly happy. Ultimately I only want one senior picture hanging up and that isn't going to happen. That is our situation and while it isn't okay, we've accepted it. So having Julia's senior picture hanging up in Catherine's room (my office) has brought joy. I told my husband and Julia's mother that nothing would make me happier than to have this little alcove in Catherine's room, the same alcove that once showcased all of her friends, be full of senior pictures. Whether it is a friend of Catherine's or someone who may be impacted by the foundation, or even us, Catherine's parents, I want all the photos.
Last night was an incredibly emotional night. It was the Christmas concert for band and choir. I've made the decision to see Catherine's senior year through and while it is awfully painful, it is giving me closure. And I need this closure so badly. Walking into the auditorium at the high school brought on all the feels. Because while I have been to other band concerts, this is the first time I went to a choir concert since her death. For those of you that don't know, my girl loved to sing and loved any choir where she could sing. School choir, church choir, it didn't matter, she loved to sing and had such a beautiful voice. I saw the risers for the choir set up on stage and after looking at the program, knew it was going to be a rough night. Before we sat down, a friend of mine whose daughter was a friend of Catherine, came up and asked me a question. Her daughter wanted to send me a graduation announcement and asked if it would be okay. I almost laughed out loud. I have watched this child grow up. She has turned into an incredibly beautiful and special young woman. After my declaration of wanting all the senior photos, I happily agreed and told her why. I even asked if she had a spare 4x6 senior photo she didn't mind giving up (because those photos are hella expensive), if I could have that too. Julia's mom even offered up another frame for the photo!
As for the concert, it was beautiful and emotional and I will not lie, there was all sorts of ugly crying. If you have never heard a high school concert band and choir sing the Hallelujah Chorus from Handels Messiah, you have have not lived. It was so overwhelmingly beautiful that it brought on all the feels. And after the concert was over, with my red puffy eyes that were still watery with tears, I received so many hugs. Band kids, choir kids, parents, and even a teacher or two. There were even classmates that I didn't know come up to me and tell me how much they loved Catherine, how funny she was, what a good friend she made, her caring heart, and how much they missed her. I also took the opportunity to thank them and remind them that she was mouthy and outspoken. Because let's be real, that is who she was and we can't pretend like she was a saint. My gorgeous and funny daughter had a mouth like a sailor.
So while my daughter is no longer on this earth, I know she is still with me. Things happen daily to let me know that she is looking out for me. I pray that there are more senior pictures and graduation announcements coming my way over the years. Because as much as I miss my precious girl, I've been blessed with so many other teenagers that continue to let me have a small part in their lives.
If you ever wonder about this next generation, don't worry. They are amazing and kind and generous and so very thoughtful. I think we are all going to be okay. I am very much looking forward to watching them change the world.
So when Julia's mother handed me a framed photo and envelope the other day, I wasn't surprised to see it was her senior picture and a graduation announcement. While I was sad, the photo made me so incredibly happy. Ultimately I only want one senior picture hanging up and that isn't going to happen. That is our situation and while it isn't okay, we've accepted it. So having Julia's senior picture hanging up in Catherine's room (my office) has brought joy. I told my husband and Julia's mother that nothing would make me happier than to have this little alcove in Catherine's room, the same alcove that once showcased all of her friends, be full of senior pictures. Whether it is a friend of Catherine's or someone who may be impacted by the foundation, or even us, Catherine's parents, I want all the photos.
Last night was an incredibly emotional night. It was the Christmas concert for band and choir. I've made the decision to see Catherine's senior year through and while it is awfully painful, it is giving me closure. And I need this closure so badly. Walking into the auditorium at the high school brought on all the feels. Because while I have been to other band concerts, this is the first time I went to a choir concert since her death. For those of you that don't know, my girl loved to sing and loved any choir where she could sing. School choir, church choir, it didn't matter, she loved to sing and had such a beautiful voice. I saw the risers for the choir set up on stage and after looking at the program, knew it was going to be a rough night. Before we sat down, a friend of mine whose daughter was a friend of Catherine, came up and asked me a question. Her daughter wanted to send me a graduation announcement and asked if it would be okay. I almost laughed out loud. I have watched this child grow up. She has turned into an incredibly beautiful and special young woman. After my declaration of wanting all the senior photos, I happily agreed and told her why. I even asked if she had a spare 4x6 senior photo she didn't mind giving up (because those photos are hella expensive), if I could have that too. Julia's mom even offered up another frame for the photo!
As for the concert, it was beautiful and emotional and I will not lie, there was all sorts of ugly crying. If you have never heard a high school concert band and choir sing the Hallelujah Chorus from Handels Messiah, you have have not lived. It was so overwhelmingly beautiful that it brought on all the feels. And after the concert was over, with my red puffy eyes that were still watery with tears, I received so many hugs. Band kids, choir kids, parents, and even a teacher or two. There were even classmates that I didn't know come up to me and tell me how much they loved Catherine, how funny she was, what a good friend she made, her caring heart, and how much they missed her. I also took the opportunity to thank them and remind them that she was mouthy and outspoken. Because let's be real, that is who she was and we can't pretend like she was a saint. My gorgeous and funny daughter had a mouth like a sailor.
So while my daughter is no longer on this earth, I know she is still with me. Things happen daily to let me know that she is looking out for me. I pray that there are more senior pictures and graduation announcements coming my way over the years. Because as much as I miss my precious girl, I've been blessed with so many other teenagers that continue to let me have a small part in their lives.
If you ever wonder about this next generation, don't worry. They are amazing and kind and generous and so very thoughtful. I think we are all going to be okay. I am very much looking forward to watching them change the world.
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