The Reality of Grief

Monday was a really fun day. My partner in crime and I spent the day out and about. Our main goal was to drop instruments off from the middle school at a repair shop in Nashville but there was stuff to get into in that area. After dropping off the instruments, we hit the stores. Our very first stop was Michael's Craft store, because you know we needed more craft stuff. We were walking up and down the aisles when the topic of the high school graduation came up. It is funny to me what can trigger a panic attack or an attack of grief. I've known it was coming and most days I'm okay with it. But for some reason, the grief hit fast and hard in that moment. I started to wander through the store, aimlessly, looking at things to get my mind off of it. Catherine and what would have been her high school graduation was renting a lot of space in my head. I felt the weight of sadness and the change was noticeable. Breathing through it or thinking ahead to the future wasn't working...

When my sister and I were little girls (and even as we got older), we would pour over the American Girl doll catalog. I read every book my library had on the American Girl dolls and my sister loved their accessories. We dreamed of having a room full of these dolls with all their stuff. As we got older, that American Girl doll dream faded to the background. When I had Catherine, I was surprised to find that she wasn't all that into dolls. Until she got to the age of 12 and the AG doll catalog showed up to our house. I had always wanted to get her one but money was tight and it wasn't an option. Over the next 4 years, we would joke about getting our American Girl dolls. Josh and I discussed getting Catherine one the last Christmas she was home before college. That would have been this past Christmas. At almost 18 years old, she would have treasured that doll. But the best laid plans..... So last Christmas I asked my sister if Josh and I could purchase an American Girl doll...