There is nothing like death to make you realize that life is short. A coworker the other day wanted a piece of pie from the cafe at work. I told her to go for it. She said she really didn't need it and I responded with "Life is short, eat the damn pie!" If you ever need permission or validation to do something, ask a grieving parent.
Catherine's life was short but she lived it to the fullest. She was involved in everything! But I do have regrets. I wish I had let her go out with her friends more. I wish I had let her act her age and go out to eat after a band competition with her friends. I wish I had let her do more. Because her life was short and I don't believe she got everything out of those 16 years.
I've always been a person that contemplates things before a change, because I hate change. In telling my husband that I wanted to buy new furniture one day, he said he was going to sell what we had to force my hand because I would never just make a decision. That all seems to have changed. Life is short, eat the damn pie. Make the decision. I'm not reckless in my decision making but I definitely don't waste time with a pros and cons list anymore. I've become more impulsive in my decision making. I don't want to leave this life not living it to the fullest. In redecorating our living room on a budget, I've made quick decisions and stuck to my guns. No waffling, no changing my mind.
In my parenting, I've been the opposite. I never wanted to be the "no" parent. I worked to say "yes" as much as possible. By saying yes, when I did said no, it had more value. I didn't think, I would just say yes. After Catherine's death, I've found myself saying yes much more. Yes to playing outside instead of doing dishes. Yes to playing with friends instead of doing laundry. Yes to playing in your room instead of sweeping floors. That doesn't mean that law and order has left the house but I'm finding myself not sweating the small stuff and letting my boys be kids. I want them to live life to the fullest and I don't want to ever look back and wonder if I let them do enough.
Each day is a struggle but when it gets bad, the good stuff shows up. A bouquet of beautiful wildflowers, cupcakes, and a card showed up today from a friend from college. Knowing that helped me get through the rest of my day. Our neighbor across the street offered to mow our yard while he gave his condolences. The day Catherine died, a plant appeared in a part of our yard that can barely grow grass. Not sure what it is and people have speculated it is a weed. I can assure you that it is the most loved "weed bush" ever! A friend put a tomato cage around in the days after it appeared and today my good friend and neighbor came and put a butterfly stake with it. The good stuff is everywhere and it gets you through the bad stuff. Catherine is gone and while I will always love her with every fiber of my being, I'm focusing on loving the living. Because people are loving on us.
So when you are faced with a decision this weekend about something mundane, just remember, life is short, eat the damn pie!
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