We paid the funeral bill today. And just like that, our financial obligation to Catherine is done. We had planned on proms, graduation costs, senior pictures, band fees, college, a wedding, and grandchildren. My financial obligation shouldn't be done. She should be here for all those things and the realization that we are done hit hard today. It hit like a ton of bricks. The anxiety was intense. It still is as I type this post tonight. My heart hurts. I miss her like crazy. It has been 3 weeks since she left me and it is officially the longest I've been without her. I had that sweet girl for 5,935 days and they were the best days of my life.
Despite the finality of it all with Catherine, life still goes on. Maxwell has decided he wants to sing in the choir at church. Catherine started at his age and my mother came and picked her up on Wednesdays for choir rehearsal and then Sundays for church. Max joining the choir was something that had been discussed months ago. He made the decision last night to do it. When he got to the church he melted down. So many memories of his sister. He didn't want to leave but he didn't want to sing either. But he stuck it out and I'm proud of him.
Charlie bought a model car kit last night and so this evening was spent with Josh and Charlie assembling this thing. He is super proud if it and I suspect they had a good time doing it together. We are finding that Charlie needs more one on one time. He went with me to Joann Fabric last night and then dinner, just us with my dear friend and her youngest daughter. It was nice time spent together and we had fun. He got the same one on one time with Josh tonight and he seems very happy.
The baby finally decided to eat tonight after a long 3 weeks of rebelling against dinner. Unfortunately, he didn't want what the rest of us were having and I begrudgingly cooked for him. When a 2 year old sweetly asked for "macroni cheese", you suck it up and cook. It was the first time I've cooked in 3 weeks and it was the most that child ate in 3 weeks. School is a different story. He had a hard time going back and through trial and error, we are figuring out how to comfort him. He refuses to take his pajamas off in the morning and so we are now putting him in his shorts for the next day at night. In order to get him into the school, he has to take his stuffed dog and his sister's keys. "TiTi keys" make all the difference and this morning he went running into his classroom with zero tears.
Josh and I are clinging to each other for dear life. Tragedies like this can break a marriage. I told him the day Catherine died that I was going to fight like hell for our marriage. We started grief counseling yesterday and while it was painful, it brought us even closer together. We are coming out of our fog and finding a new normal and groove.
On a sad note, Catherine's dog Rory is very sad. When we rescued her over a year ago, they instantly connected. Rory always listened to Catherine. They were so close and Catherine brought her out of her shell. Rory is confused as to why she isn't here. Her eyes look so sad all the time and we have a hard time with her. She is more standoffish and while she still takes care of Henry, she is not the same. She sleeps on the floor by the mantle, under Catherine's ashes. We keep loving on her but she is back to being standoffish and timid. I pray she comes around as Henry gets older. They seem to have a good bond but at 2, Henry doesn't get it. The other dogs are oblivious and fine but Rory is depressed.
On an unrelated note, I would also like to thank everyone for everything. The calls, the donations, the cards, the food (especially the food), and the willingness to listen when I ramble on about my sadness or anger or victories. Catherine is gone but we are still here. My motto through this and moving forward is to love the living. We are being loved and I thank you all.
Despite the finality of it all with Catherine, life still goes on. Maxwell has decided he wants to sing in the choir at church. Catherine started at his age and my mother came and picked her up on Wednesdays for choir rehearsal and then Sundays for church. Max joining the choir was something that had been discussed months ago. He made the decision last night to do it. When he got to the church he melted down. So many memories of his sister. He didn't want to leave but he didn't want to sing either. But he stuck it out and I'm proud of him.
Charlie bought a model car kit last night and so this evening was spent with Josh and Charlie assembling this thing. He is super proud if it and I suspect they had a good time doing it together. We are finding that Charlie needs more one on one time. He went with me to Joann Fabric last night and then dinner, just us with my dear friend and her youngest daughter. It was nice time spent together and we had fun. He got the same one on one time with Josh tonight and he seems very happy.
The baby finally decided to eat tonight after a long 3 weeks of rebelling against dinner. Unfortunately, he didn't want what the rest of us were having and I begrudgingly cooked for him. When a 2 year old sweetly asked for "macroni cheese", you suck it up and cook. It was the first time I've cooked in 3 weeks and it was the most that child ate in 3 weeks. School is a different story. He had a hard time going back and through trial and error, we are figuring out how to comfort him. He refuses to take his pajamas off in the morning and so we are now putting him in his shorts for the next day at night. In order to get him into the school, he has to take his stuffed dog and his sister's keys. "TiTi keys" make all the difference and this morning he went running into his classroom with zero tears.
Josh and I are clinging to each other for dear life. Tragedies like this can break a marriage. I told him the day Catherine died that I was going to fight like hell for our marriage. We started grief counseling yesterday and while it was painful, it brought us even closer together. We are coming out of our fog and finding a new normal and groove.
On a sad note, Catherine's dog Rory is very sad. When we rescued her over a year ago, they instantly connected. Rory always listened to Catherine. They were so close and Catherine brought her out of her shell. Rory is confused as to why she isn't here. Her eyes look so sad all the time and we have a hard time with her. She is more standoffish and while she still takes care of Henry, she is not the same. She sleeps on the floor by the mantle, under Catherine's ashes. We keep loving on her but she is back to being standoffish and timid. I pray she comes around as Henry gets older. They seem to have a good bond but at 2, Henry doesn't get it. The other dogs are oblivious and fine but Rory is depressed.
On an unrelated note, I would also like to thank everyone for everything. The calls, the donations, the cards, the food (especially the food), and the willingness to listen when I ramble on about my sadness or anger or victories. Catherine is gone but we are still here. My motto through this and moving forward is to love the living. We are being loved and I thank you all.
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