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The helpers

Tonight's post was supposed to be about something entirely different but after two incidents tonight, I felt like maybe the universe was pushing me in a different direction.

Fred Rogers often told this story about when he was a boy and would see scary things on the news: “My mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ 

That quote has come up a lot the last few weeks. In the moments after we knew Catherine had died, the helpers showed up. Whether it was food, or drink, or planning music for the funeral, or helping with flowers, or helping fund the funeral expenses, or just showing up for hugs, the helpers showed up. It was amazing to me that people were so quick to help. I've said it many times and that is, southerners know how to handle death. The helpers show up. They showed up and took trash off because we missed trash pickup. They showed up with booze when we couldn't take the edge off. They showed up to take me for a manicure and pedicure the day of the visitation. They handled the phone calls and messages and cards. They showed up to the visitation and the funeral. They showed up with food to feed the family after the funeral. They showed up with peanut butter pie and vitamin waters. They have continued to show up with food, even a month later. The helpers are everywhere. They have given hugs on hard days at work. They provide boxes to break apart when the anxiety and grief got to be too much. They were waiting with a chisel and pliers to help rip fabric off a chair. They have put bubble wrap on my desk for those stressful moments. They have randomly paid for lunches at work. The helpers are everywhere. They have helped us through this horrible time.

As someone that prefers to help and not be on the receiving end, this has been a foreign concept for me. I've been amazed at all the helpers.

Tonight I took the boys up to the gas station to get them out of the house and to grab fountain drinks for Josh and myself. Despite not getting anything at the gas station, they love going. We were cutting up and having a good time while waiting in the long line. All was well until an altercation broke out. Lots of screaming and the potential for fight. I instantly and quietly moved the boys behind me and made sure they were positioned between two displays. Nothing was coming our way and I was eyeing the exit. Suddenly a very large man came up and positioned himself between the altercation and myself and the boys. The situation calmed down and all was fine. Max's anxiety was pretty high and I just wanted to get out of there. That very large man stayed with us the entire time as I was explaining to the boys that it was fine, that sometimes people lose their temper. That very large man made we sure got to the car safely and waited until we were on our way. I explained to the boys that when things get bad, there are always helpers.

In our neighborhood, there is an older man with one leg that drives up and down the street in a powered wheelchair. As we were driving back to the house, I saw him flipped over on the side of the road, unable to get up. I immediately turned the car around and jumped out, telling the boys to call Josh. Another car pulled up and we both ran over. The gentleman was fine but confused and shaken. He didn't want anyone to mess with his power chair. Luckily it wasn't a Permobil! It was a crappy competitor. Based on all the training I've seen and how people are helped in our company, I suddenly knew what to do. I leaned down and explained that no one wanted his chair and that I worked for a company that makes chairs like his and we were there to help him. After realizing he wasn't hurt, we went into action. I explained to the other guy there that we couldn't flip the chair over with the man in it, as the chair is pretty heavy. We carefully lifted him up and I held him as the other man flipped the chair upright. I explained how to maneuver the joystick and we were able to get the man back in his chair and on his way. The other guy turned out to be a retired police officer. As I got back into the car, one of the boys was quick to say that there are helpers everywhere.

I don't share this to brag or toot my own horn. See, I've felt pretty helpless lately. I like to be a helper. Being helped all the time is a blessing but I am ready for this fog to lift so I can go back to being a helper. Tonight reminded me that despite all the sadness and stress and fog, we can still be helpers. There are helpers everywhere. We have been blessed by hundreds of helpers through this period of grief. I'm just glad I got to be a helper this time.

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