Anyone that has ever been on an airplane knows that in case of an emergency, put your oxygen mask on before you help others. When in the beginning stages of recovery from an addiction, they tell you that you need to help yourself before you help others. But what happens when you ignore them? What happens if you just start helping people, not caring about the rules.
I'm 5 weeks into this grief as of today. Only 5 weeks ago, I lost my Catherine. It was sudden and I remember those initial feelings all too well. The heartbreak and hopelessness is real. Unless you have lost a child, you can't even imagine the feelings. Who am I to help anyone? I'm still figuring this all out myself. But sometimes you have to break the rules.
Today a friend called and told me that a mother lost her teenage child today. My first thought was to get there as soon as possible. I felt an intense pull towards this mother. And I was annoyed that I couldn't get to her. We had to do to boys' intake at therapy to get that process started for them. That mother weighed hard on my heart and mind. I was reliving those first moments. When the meeting was over, I went straight to the store. My husband was against me going. The initial plan was to drop off some items with a note and leave. I couldn't agree to that and promised him that I would play it by ear.
When I got to my friend's house, who happens to be neighbors with the mother that suffered the loss, the pull to go over was strong. I'm supposed to be worried about keeping the oxygen mask on my face before I can help others. I haven't been in a good place lately. But I knew that I had to go see that mother. We gathered up my emergency grief kit and headed over. We were armed with a case of water, other assorted drinks, and a pack of toilet paper. Because remember, no one wants to run out of toilet paper when the pastor shows up.
I walked in her house and said "You don't know me but....." and the recognition on her face was immediate. She interrupted me and said "I know who you are, you are Catherine's mom." I set down the supplies and went to her. I sat at her feet and told her that she was going to be okay. I told her I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone and I wished I could take her pain away. We spoke for some time. We spoke of stuff that no one tells you when you lose a child. She and her daughter had spoken about my daughters death just 5 weeks ago. And here I was, under the worst possible circumstances. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else today. I have never felt so called to be somewhere. It was overwhelming. Through our conversation, a lady said she prayed for me to come. Now, my faith is shaky right now. God and I aren't best buds. I'm pretty angry at him. But as soon as the lady said she prayed for me to come, the overwhelming desire to be there made sense. I shared my testimony with this mother who is facing the unimaginable. I held the hand of a mother whose worst fear has happened.
There are details of this conversation and event that I don't feel comfortable sharing. It isn't my place to share. But I sat with her as long as I could and asked if I could hug her before I left. She said she was tired of hugs but would happily take a hug from me. We then prayed as a group. With women surrounding us, we locked eyes. It was the look of two mothers that have faced the unthinkable. My hurt aches for this woman.
The next days will be a blur for her. But I will be there as much as she will let me. Because in sharing my testimony, I felt more acceptance to my own situation. It didn't lessen the pain but I felt more open to accepting it. I ask of you to pray for this mother and her family as they grieve the loss of a child gone too soon. I also ask that you pray for my family as we make ourselves available to a mother and face our own grief.
And finally, I ask that you do not ask or press for details. When the time is right, the event and details will be released. I ask that when you do find out, do not ask about the cause of death. Because the cause of death doesn't matter. What matters is that a mother lost her beautiful child and will need the support of her church and neighbors and family. I told her to look for the helpers. I pray she has as many helpers as I have through all this. Respect her privacy when you find out. But mostly, just pray for this grieving mother.
I'm 5 weeks into this grief as of today. Only 5 weeks ago, I lost my Catherine. It was sudden and I remember those initial feelings all too well. The heartbreak and hopelessness is real. Unless you have lost a child, you can't even imagine the feelings. Who am I to help anyone? I'm still figuring this all out myself. But sometimes you have to break the rules.
Today a friend called and told me that a mother lost her teenage child today. My first thought was to get there as soon as possible. I felt an intense pull towards this mother. And I was annoyed that I couldn't get to her. We had to do to boys' intake at therapy to get that process started for them. That mother weighed hard on my heart and mind. I was reliving those first moments. When the meeting was over, I went straight to the store. My husband was against me going. The initial plan was to drop off some items with a note and leave. I couldn't agree to that and promised him that I would play it by ear.
When I got to my friend's house, who happens to be neighbors with the mother that suffered the loss, the pull to go over was strong. I'm supposed to be worried about keeping the oxygen mask on my face before I can help others. I haven't been in a good place lately. But I knew that I had to go see that mother. We gathered up my emergency grief kit and headed over. We were armed with a case of water, other assorted drinks, and a pack of toilet paper. Because remember, no one wants to run out of toilet paper when the pastor shows up.
I walked in her house and said "You don't know me but....." and the recognition on her face was immediate. She interrupted me and said "I know who you are, you are Catherine's mom." I set down the supplies and went to her. I sat at her feet and told her that she was going to be okay. I told her I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone and I wished I could take her pain away. We spoke for some time. We spoke of stuff that no one tells you when you lose a child. She and her daughter had spoken about my daughters death just 5 weeks ago. And here I was, under the worst possible circumstances. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else today. I have never felt so called to be somewhere. It was overwhelming. Through our conversation, a lady said she prayed for me to come. Now, my faith is shaky right now. God and I aren't best buds. I'm pretty angry at him. But as soon as the lady said she prayed for me to come, the overwhelming desire to be there made sense. I shared my testimony with this mother who is facing the unimaginable. I held the hand of a mother whose worst fear has happened.
There are details of this conversation and event that I don't feel comfortable sharing. It isn't my place to share. But I sat with her as long as I could and asked if I could hug her before I left. She said she was tired of hugs but would happily take a hug from me. We then prayed as a group. With women surrounding us, we locked eyes. It was the look of two mothers that have faced the unthinkable. My hurt aches for this woman.
The next days will be a blur for her. But I will be there as much as she will let me. Because in sharing my testimony, I felt more acceptance to my own situation. It didn't lessen the pain but I felt more open to accepting it. I ask of you to pray for this mother and her family as they grieve the loss of a child gone too soon. I also ask that you pray for my family as we make ourselves available to a mother and face our own grief.
And finally, I ask that you do not ask or press for details. When the time is right, the event and details will be released. I ask that when you do find out, do not ask about the cause of death. Because the cause of death doesn't matter. What matters is that a mother lost her beautiful child and will need the support of her church and neighbors and family. I told her to look for the helpers. I pray she has as many helpers as I have through all this. Respect her privacy when you find out. But mostly, just pray for this grieving mother.
The most intrusive question is, 'What happened?" Don't. Just don't. All that EVER matters is a baby is gone and a mama's arms are empty.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy you were able to be there for her.