When we are in middle school and high school, we are faced with many challenges. Bullying, puberty, social issues, and so much more. If you are lucky, you will have a close knit group of friends that help you through all that stuff.
We moved around a lot when I was younger. When I started the 5th grade at a little county school here in Lebanon, it was culture shock. But I met people that would become part of my life. When I started high school, our group grew. There was 5 of us and we did everything together. We got each other through bullying and puberty and social issues and boy issues. Sandy, Rachel, Beth, and Denise were the women that got me through the shitty teen years and beyond.
As an adult, I'm so blessed to still call them my friends. Sandy called the day Catherine died and the conversation went like this:
Sandy - "Are you home"
me - "Yes"
Sandy - " I'm on my way"
And then she appeared. And she stayed. She brought me waterproof mascara and spoke with a pharmacist to find out the best thing to put on my nose that was so raw from crying. She took me to get a manicure and pedicure the day of the visitation. The messages poured in from the other 3 of the original group. I remember not crying at the visitation until I saw my sweet friends' faces. These women have seen it all. We have held each other at the funeral of a parent, we have visited when one was in the hospital, we celebrate birthdays and Christmas, and we attend (or try to attend) the birthday parties of our children. These women know me and I know them. When push comes to shove, they are there. The moment I saw them all that night, I felt like the true emotion could show because they are part of my safe space. I'm so blessed to have them in my life all these years later.
Denise had a birthday this week and plans were made a few weeks ago to celebrate. The last thing I wanted to do was go out anywhere. I talked myself into it and out of it a dozen times. The plan was to go paint pottery and then go eat. Even that seemed like too much. Sandy was going to drive and I was okay with that and decided it wasn't going to be too awful. Until Sandy, who has the worlds cutest newborn, couldn't make it tonight due to baby issues. I was going to have to drive myself. And the internal battle began. I wasn't going to go. Josh offered to take me but it seemed too hard. A little voice inside my head told me to text Rachel and ask for a ride. Of course she agreed and was at the house a few minutes later. Apparently I was going tonight whether I wanted to or not. They were getting me there one way or another. We rode to Mt. Juliet and chatted the whole way. Being with a grieving mother can't be easy. We tend to be a bit of a mood killer. I was also a bit crabby today. One of Catherine's favorite songs came on while at work and it threw me into a downward spiral. But we continued to chat the whole way there. She never made me feel like I was a buzzkill.
Once we got to the pottery place we waited for the others to arrive. I kept saying we were going to paint stupid pottery. As we were waiting, the parents of a dear friend pulled into the parking lot. As much as I didn't want to be out tonight, I couldn't resist walking over and saying hello. If you are ever having a bad day, go visit an Italian family. They give the very best hugs! My mood was lifting. Quite rapidly in fact. Beth and Denise arrived and we headed into to paint stupid pottery.
My original plan was to get a plate and put "This Sucks" or "My daughter died and all I got was this stupid plate" and that would have been okay. My friends are cool like that. They even laughed at my suggestion. While looking for something to paint, I realized that I hadn't been crafty in awhile. The crafty part of my brain took over and I started to get a tiny bit excited. I splurged and chose two plates. I went into my creative place and actually made two really cute pieces.
Throughout the night the conversation circled around Catherine, our lives, our jobs, our kids, and our usual antics. We really missed Sandy but it was okay, we all understood. I felt safe and happy. This group of women got me out of the house and made me laugh and made me feel loved.
I ended up skipping dinner and coming home with Beth. Painting pottery was a lot and I was pretty tired but it was totally worth it. When we got to my house, she told me we had to get out of the car for a proper hug. I almost lost my breath. That is something I say to the boys on a regular basis and something I said to Catherine all the time. I used to make her put all her crap down and give me a proper hug. So I got out of the car, put all my stuff down, and gave Beth a proper hug. It was the perfect end to a perfect night.
Here are my final thoughts for this post tonight;
If you have a friend that is going through something, don't give up on them. Even if they refuse to go out every time you ask, don't give up. Keep asking. Drag them out by their hair, kicking and screaming. Feed them or go paint pottery or tear apart a chair or just sit on their couch and be with them. Don't give up. Depression is real. Remember, the part of your body that makes decisions is sick and doesn't always have your best interests at heart. Keep showing up and don't give up on them. I'm blessed that these women haven't given up on me.
To all you teenage girls out there that are facing big issues in your life, or being bullied, or facing stuff that seems too big to handle, find a friend and then hold onto them for dear life. Because in 20+ years when your life is falling apart due to a tragedy, they will be there to pick you up. Here is the deal guys, friends get you through the hard stuff and rejoice during the happy stuff. Hold onto your friends for dear life because they will hold onto you just as hard. Friends are the family we choose and I believe I chose very well.
We moved around a lot when I was younger. When I started the 5th grade at a little county school here in Lebanon, it was culture shock. But I met people that would become part of my life. When I started high school, our group grew. There was 5 of us and we did everything together. We got each other through bullying and puberty and social issues and boy issues. Sandy, Rachel, Beth, and Denise were the women that got me through the shitty teen years and beyond.
As an adult, I'm so blessed to still call them my friends. Sandy called the day Catherine died and the conversation went like this:
Sandy - "Are you home"
me - "Yes"
Sandy - " I'm on my way"
And then she appeared. And she stayed. She brought me waterproof mascara and spoke with a pharmacist to find out the best thing to put on my nose that was so raw from crying. She took me to get a manicure and pedicure the day of the visitation. The messages poured in from the other 3 of the original group. I remember not crying at the visitation until I saw my sweet friends' faces. These women have seen it all. We have held each other at the funeral of a parent, we have visited when one was in the hospital, we celebrate birthdays and Christmas, and we attend (or try to attend) the birthday parties of our children. These women know me and I know them. When push comes to shove, they are there. The moment I saw them all that night, I felt like the true emotion could show because they are part of my safe space. I'm so blessed to have them in my life all these years later.
Denise had a birthday this week and plans were made a few weeks ago to celebrate. The last thing I wanted to do was go out anywhere. I talked myself into it and out of it a dozen times. The plan was to go paint pottery and then go eat. Even that seemed like too much. Sandy was going to drive and I was okay with that and decided it wasn't going to be too awful. Until Sandy, who has the worlds cutest newborn, couldn't make it tonight due to baby issues. I was going to have to drive myself. And the internal battle began. I wasn't going to go. Josh offered to take me but it seemed too hard. A little voice inside my head told me to text Rachel and ask for a ride. Of course she agreed and was at the house a few minutes later. Apparently I was going tonight whether I wanted to or not. They were getting me there one way or another. We rode to Mt. Juliet and chatted the whole way. Being with a grieving mother can't be easy. We tend to be a bit of a mood killer. I was also a bit crabby today. One of Catherine's favorite songs came on while at work and it threw me into a downward spiral. But we continued to chat the whole way there. She never made me feel like I was a buzzkill.
Once we got to the pottery place we waited for the others to arrive. I kept saying we were going to paint stupid pottery. As we were waiting, the parents of a dear friend pulled into the parking lot. As much as I didn't want to be out tonight, I couldn't resist walking over and saying hello. If you are ever having a bad day, go visit an Italian family. They give the very best hugs! My mood was lifting. Quite rapidly in fact. Beth and Denise arrived and we headed into to paint stupid pottery.
My original plan was to get a plate and put "This Sucks" or "My daughter died and all I got was this stupid plate" and that would have been okay. My friends are cool like that. They even laughed at my suggestion. While looking for something to paint, I realized that I hadn't been crafty in awhile. The crafty part of my brain took over and I started to get a tiny bit excited. I splurged and chose two plates. I went into my creative place and actually made two really cute pieces.
Throughout the night the conversation circled around Catherine, our lives, our jobs, our kids, and our usual antics. We really missed Sandy but it was okay, we all understood. I felt safe and happy. This group of women got me out of the house and made me laugh and made me feel loved.
I ended up skipping dinner and coming home with Beth. Painting pottery was a lot and I was pretty tired but it was totally worth it. When we got to my house, she told me we had to get out of the car for a proper hug. I almost lost my breath. That is something I say to the boys on a regular basis and something I said to Catherine all the time. I used to make her put all her crap down and give me a proper hug. So I got out of the car, put all my stuff down, and gave Beth a proper hug. It was the perfect end to a perfect night.
Here are my final thoughts for this post tonight;
If you have a friend that is going through something, don't give up on them. Even if they refuse to go out every time you ask, don't give up. Keep asking. Drag them out by their hair, kicking and screaming. Feed them or go paint pottery or tear apart a chair or just sit on their couch and be with them. Don't give up. Depression is real. Remember, the part of your body that makes decisions is sick and doesn't always have your best interests at heart. Keep showing up and don't give up on them. I'm blessed that these women haven't given up on me.
To all you teenage girls out there that are facing big issues in your life, or being bullied, or facing stuff that seems too big to handle, find a friend and then hold onto them for dear life. Because in 20+ years when your life is falling apart due to a tragedy, they will be there to pick you up. Here is the deal guys, friends get you through the hard stuff and rejoice during the happy stuff. Hold onto your friends for dear life because they will hold onto you just as hard. Friends are the family we choose and I believe I chose very well.
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