Three month mark

Today was the 3 month mark since we lost Catherine. I'm not sure how I was supposed to feel today, other than sad. Throughout the last 3 months we have done what we needed to survive. I can tell you that 3 months later, it isn't any easier. 

By doing the bare minimum, lots of stuff has been neglected. Things like hair appointments and vision appointments and well checks for the kids didn't seem to be on the list of stuff that matters. We know that it matters but it just wasn't on the priority list. Most days it is just to get up, go to work, feed kids, and make it through with minimal meltdowns and panic attacks. After realizing that Charlie wasn't handling his grief well, we opted to take him to the pediatrician for some guidance. He admits that he is angry and sad. He told us that he hated life. Those are all red flags. He also swears that he sees a man walking around the house. So off to the doctor we went. I honestly expected them to tell me that he needed to be committed to a psych ward. Fortunately, this is all fairly common in kids his age that face a traumatic event. We have changed our plan on how we handle things with him and with some medical intervention, Charlie should be back on track. While at the doctor, Charlie failed his vision and hearing tests. Luckily we were able to get him into the eye doctor yesterday and his new glasses will be here next week. He is scheduled for further testing on his hearing. Today he got a haircut. At the 3 month mark, it is like we are starting to come out of our fog and realize that we still have stuff to do. Lucky for us, Josh and I work well together and we have tag teamed all the forgotten stuff. 

Today we received a box with a big bow on it. As soon as I opened it, I smiled. It came on the perfect day. It was from a friend and she put a bunch of random stuff in a box. Silly string for those days that seem too hard, an ornament for the Catherine tree, a bath bomb for some me time, a beautiful necklace, and a ticket to see the Christmas light show at the fairgrounds. As we ate dinner tonight, Josh and I decided we didn't want to be in the house tonight. So at the last minute we loaded all four boys up and headed to the fairgrounds to see the lights. Everyone's mood improved and you couldn't help but smile. Especially at Henry's reaction to the lights. It was a great gift and much needed. We even managed to get a photo with Santa. Henry was SUPER excited about his first visit with Santa. 

Three months seem like forever and no time at all. I miss my sweet girl so much. She would have loved the lights and Henry's reaction this year. It still seems so unreal but are moving forward and finding joy everywhere we can. Sometimes it is the bigger boys, or the baby, or a box of random stuff you find on your front porch.