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Dear Friends and Family,

I recently started going to grief counseling. After 7 months of dealing with everyone else's grief, I felt it was time to tackle my own. I'm very good at compartmentalizing parts of my life. It wasn't until my grief overflowed into my job and quality of work that I realized it was time to deal with it. In my first session, I received this handout. It is a letter to friends and family. I've been on the fence about sharing it but with more "firsts" on the horizon, I felt it was important to share. There are a few parts that I added myself, but only because they were important to me.


Dear Family and Friends,


On August 30, 2017, I suffered a devastating loss. I am grieving and it will take months and even years to recover from this loss. I wanted to let you know that I will cry from time to time. I don't apologize for my tears since they are not a sign of weakness or lack of faith. They are God's gift to me to express the extent of my loss, and they are also a sign that I am recovering.


At times you may see me angry for no apparent reason. Sometimes I'm not even sure why. All I know is that my emotions are intense because of my grief. They are my emotions and I own them. If I don't always make sense to you, please don't tell me I'm wrong in my emotions. Instead, please be forgiving and patient with me. And if I repeat myself again and again, please accept this is normal.


More than anything else I need your understanding and your presence. You don't always have to know what to say, or even say anything, if you don't know how to respond. Your presence and a touch or hug lets me know you care. Please don't wait for me to call you since sometimes I am too tired or tearful to do so. Besides, who wants to talk to that person in their life that is so sad and cries all the time? If I tend to withdraw from you, please don't let me do that. I need you to reach out to me for several months. If I decline an invitation from you to do something, please don't take it personally. We are taking each day and each "first" one at a time. Sometimes it is too hard to be with a crowd of people somewhere other than our own home. It feels out of control and I personally feel like I have no control. Grief takes away some of your control, so you tend to fight for any control you can get in your world.


This loss is so painful, and right now it feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to me. As a mother that has lost her child, it is quite possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But I will survive and figure out how to move forward with my life.


Thank you for caring about me and my family. Thank you for listening, praying, leaving surprises on our front door, dropping off random food and desserts, and for just being there for us. Your concern is comforting and is a gift for which I will always be thankful.


Much love to all,
Erin and family

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