Skip to main content

Forget me not



Last spring I planted sunflowers and a whole bunch of wildflowers along the fence line outside my kitchen. Catherine loved both sunflowers and wildflowers. We had quite the crop last summer. They lasted quite some time. Even after she died. This year, I just didn't have it in me to plant anything. I've been good to survive thus far in my journey.


Despite not planting anything in that flower bed, a few zinnas came up. And then on Friday I saw a lone forget me not, growing in the side yard. I found it odd and out of place. Out of all the wildflowers that bloomed, there weren't many forget me nots. So I smiled and walked into the house.


Later that day I noticed it was gone and it made me slightly sad. Josh mowed the yard and I thought that was the end of my little flower. Until Friday evening. As we got home that evening, our neighborhood rabbit was sitting in our yard. Its also the same one that attempted to photo bomb the boys first day of school photo last week (that's another story). Our little rabbit was sitting where that lone flower was that morning. And off to the side was another single forget me not. It stood out of the grass with its striking blue color. The rabbit bounded off as we got closer and we all got a bit tickled.

Where in the world were these flowers coming from? Why did it seem like a message?
Image result for forget me not


Last night as I was cooking dinner, I found myself speaking Catherine's name a lot. Normally when I talk about her, it is a funny story or about how much I miss her or how sad I am that she is gone. Some days I don't think we say her name. Some of the following was said last night:

"Where are the beaters for the mixer? Catherine would have been the last person to use it"

"Sure, go ahead and use Catherine's lunchbox to pack Henry's food for tomorrow"

"Charlie, can you please find the lunch box containers that Catherine used for lunch?"


It was strange because we haven't spoken of Catherine in that sense. It was weird. And comforting. It wasn't as sad as I thought it would be when the day came.

As the one year mark is upon us, I think maybe my girl is reminding me to "forget me not."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cause of death

This particular subject has been on my mind for quite a few days. My husband and I discussed it and while we felt the following needed to be said, we were afraid to send a different message. I've prayed about this post and I keep feeling pushed to write it. For starters, this is not about my daughter's cause of death. We do not know it. We plan on not finding out. When they call with the results, the only thing I want to know is if it is something that could happen to my boys. That is it. Knowing her cause of death won't bring me peace. It won't bring her back. It won't change anything. She will still be gone and my heart will still be torn into a million pieces. My sweet daughter died peacefully in her sleep. There are numerous ways she could have died in her sleep. Knowing won't bring her back. One of the first things I'm asked is what happened. I usually respond with something in regards to her passing in her sleep. One would think that should be th...
5 comments
Read more

Finding the "Sparklies"

Ten years ago our family faced a huge loss. My cousin's 5 year old daughter passed away. It was a shock for our whole family. I remember being terrified of losing my own children. Death seems to happen to everyone else but when it hits so close to home, it becomes very scary and real. I started reading her blog (and still do) and following her through her journey. When my Catherine died, my cousin couldn't get to me fast enough. She came to hold my hand as I was inducted as a member of the club that no mother wants to join. In reading her blog, she always lists "Sparklies" of her day. Hannah was fancy and loved all things fancy. Rachael and I like to think that our girls are hanging out together now. As a result, I had my first run in with "sparklies" since August 30th. With my goal of self care, I try to get a manicure and pedicure every few weeks. It is my time to sit and be still. No one bothers me and my usual nail girl doesn't chat, except to tell ...
3 comments
Read more

The Issue of Bullying

Let me start by saying that I'm angry and I've thought about this post for some time. The issue has come up quite a bit the last week. A sweet soul left this earth and suddenly the parents of Wilson County decided to address the issue of bullying. They wanted to use my daughter's death as an example as well. The problem with that? My daughter didn't end her life because of bullying. She didn't even end her life. What the parents of this fine county did was exactly the thing they have been rallying against all week. To claim the cause of death of my daughter was suicide was a form of bullying. Especially since her parents don't even know the cause of death. Imagine waiting on that phone call and seeing everyone running with misinformation while you are still coming to terms with your child's death and knowing that eventual phone call with the cause of death is coming. Did you know it takes 8-14 weeks to get back a cause of death? We are 6 weeks into this and ...
3 comments
Read more