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I don't wanna............


We had zero intentions on going to the Wilson County Fair this year. As it was the last thing we did with Catherine, we weren't mentally prepared to go this year. We had dug our heels in and were adamant about our attendance.  

They say that the definition of bravery is doing something despite being terrified. They also say that being a parent means putting your children's needs before your own. Josh and I had to live by both those sayings this weekend. As much as we didn't want to go for fear of emotions and memories, we knew that the only way the boys would go to the fair is if we took them ourselves. Parenting and bravery, all at once. So we surprised the boys as we were walking out the door. Max burst into tears from excitement and relief and Charlie was a ball of happy energy.


I hate heights and this was the "kiddie" ferris wheel

We went on Sunday because there was a car show that morning. My boys love old cars and I'm a bit partial to them as well. I almost lost my mind as I came across the most beautiful Corvair convertible. Oh, how I wanted that car. The boys (including Josh) loved the car show and I'm amazed at how much Charlie knows about cars. These were some good moments. It didn't dawn on me until later that night that the location of the car show was the exact spot we watched the band perform and then sent Catherine on her way with her friends last year before we left the fair that evening.

The boys checking out the Batmobile

Max and Henry are such buddies

 We took the boys to ride the rides, including Henry. He was finally big enough to ride some of the rides and while at first he was not amused, he grew to enjoy it. We did let the older two boys go off on their own but it didn't last long. They weren't quite ready for that freedom and we were more than happy to have them with us.
Not a fan of the carousel

Or the cars......

Our traditional fair selfie

 

Henry and his shaved ice
 We survived the fair despite not wanting to go at all. We made new memories and tried very hard to focus on the boys. And of course we couldn't have done the fair without Catherine's coveted Kavu bag. It went everywhere with her, including the fair. So I got it out of her room and wore it to the 2018 Wilson County Fair. It still smells like her and I felt like a piece of her was with me. I also realized why she loved that bag! Holy smokes it has so much room and is so easy to carry and access. Catherine's Kavu bag will go back into her room and eventually be stored away with her stuff but I will be looking at purchasing one for myself in the near future.




I realize there haven't been many posts lately. Sometime in the beginning of July, I hit a really rough patch. I'm still there and anticipate staying there for a few more weeks. With the one year mark coming up (not anniversary because that sounds like a happy occasion and 8/30 is not a happy day) I find myself becoming more and more sad. We don't have any plans for that day as of now but we do have plans for that weekend. There will be more to come on that in the coming days. I could use all your thoughts, prayers, happy dust, good vibes, etc. as we head into the next 10 days. Those days will be a constant memory of our final days with that beautiful child. 

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