One year mark and no words

It has been one year since we lost my beautiful girl. There are no words. Today isn't a celebration. It isn't an anniversary. It is the one year mark. Catherine and I shared a love of music and we communicated a lot through music. So, I've put together this video. It is long. It might make you cry. But this was the only way I knew how to communicate on this day.

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The Harsh Truth

In thirteen days, it will mark 4 years since Catherine died. How it can seem like it happened both yesterday and a lifetime ago continues to puzzle me. Four years later and I still struggle with accepting that it wasn’t my fault and that while I want to believe that I could save her, I’ve learned that I’m just not that powerful. With this terrible milestone approaching, I sit here angry and doing everything in my power to not rage at parents that are spitting in the face of science and the experts that are desperately trying to save lives all because they believe they know what is best for their child. Sure, as parents we believe we know what is right for our children but we also rely on doctors, scientists, and research to ensure we are making the right decision. We are currently faced with a pandemic that went from affecting the older population and those with underlying health conditions a year ago to now affecting our children. I still see the same people saying that it is jus...

Senior Picture

When Catherine died, I wept to my dear friend about all the things I was going to miss due to her death. Prom, concerts, marching band, senior pictures, graduation, and a million other things. She graciously offered to share her daughter, my daughter's best friend, for some of those events. And she did. This school year, their senior year, I've been to band concerts and band competitions. I've carried on the sticker tradition, bringing Julia a sticker from places we go, just like Catherine would. We've done birthdays and Thanksgiving. In turn, Julia (and so many of Catherine's other friends) have stepped up in so many ways. Whether it be a comforting hug, playing the role of big sister to my boys, including me in school gossip, or sharing stories about Catherine, these kids have brought so much love and comfort to our lives as we grieve the tremendous and profound loss of our daughter. So when Julia's mother handed me a framed photo and envelope the other day,...

Project - Sunshine for Erin

I speak often of how much I love my coworkers. I love my job and everything about it. My coworkers have been there for me and my family since the day Catherine died. They started showing up the moment they found out. And since that day they have continued to be there. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to properly thank them for all they have done. God knew what he was doing when I started at Permobil. On Monday, my coworker John asked if I was going to be at work all week. I told him that I was taking Thursday and Friday off to mentally prepare for Christmas. He said that a few of my coworkers had something for me that they wanted to deliver to the house and asked if they could come by Friday after work. I was puzzled but agreed. This morning the weather was terrible and John asked if there was any way I could come up to the office for them to give me something. It turned out to be a great idea because there were a ton of people that worked on this plan the past month and I...

The Reality of Grief

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