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Observations

Since this past Tuesday when I was let go from my job, I have made a few observations. To start, I find myself happier. I didn't realize how much resentment I held because I had to work and keep all my feelings of grief and hopelessness on the inside. I find I have more energy. Going to work all day and putting on a brave face while working at a high stress job is exhausting. In the evenings, I would get home and crash.

In the last year since Catherine died, I can count on two hands how many times I've actually cooked a substantial meal. None were creative and it was only done to feed the kids. While we have sort of kept up with the house, I've realized this last week that it looks a bit like a war zone. Josh and I have done the bare minimum to get by this last year. And I have not baked or made any thing sweet in over a year.

That all changed on Tuesday morning. I walked in the house with a clear head and a happier heart and looked around. I felt motivated and inspired to get the house back to its tidy state. I have made three desserts AND cooked dinner.

We are having company this afternoon and instead of buying pre-made potato salad and baked beans, I thoughtfully put together a meal. I was in the kitchen cutting herbs and making beautiful and delicious smelling dishes! You will not find pre-made food on our table tonight. I've already started thinking about dinner for the next week.

In less than a week, the laundry is caught up, long over due doctors appointments have been made for the boys, my house is less dusty and cluttered, and I've managed to lose 5 pounds. I'm volunteering for projects that bring joy and I'm all around a much happier and less exhausted person. Being in this house all week by myself has afforded me the privilege and long over due conversations with Catherine. It is really hard to talk to a dead person with people around. I'm getting things off my chest that have needed to be said for a year. I listen to music and cook while wearing an apron. I practice the piano whenever I want.

Every day since Tuesday, I have thanked God for giving me this opportunity. I've been praying for something to change for over 6 months. Little did I know that it would mean losing my job, but I have faith that this is the right thing.

Thank you to everyone who has called or text or stopped by to check on me. I will say it makes me laugh when people see me and comment that I look so happy. Well guys, I am happy.

Now, it is back to the kitchen to make sure that tonight's dinner with one of my oldest friends (We met in the FIRST GRADE ya'll!) is fun, relaxed, and delicious.



*Part of me wants to win the lottery so I can live like this forever :) *

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