I had just started my job at Permobil when I got a text from my daughter that a friend of hers had died. The first thing I did was ask her where she was and then got in my car to get her. I called her therapist to find out what to do. My number one concern was her. I did not go on Facebook and lament about a teenager's death. I did not demand answers. My one and only concern was my daughter and her well being. She took her friend's death hard. It was painful to watch. But I watched her. And talked to her. And worried about her.
When Catherine died, I remember being in shock and most of the moments and days after are still hazy. What I do remember is calling her best friend's mother and telling her that Catherine died because I knew that she would want to tell her daughter. I made sure that the band director and principal of the school knew. We discussed the best way to tell her friends and classmates because despite being in high school, they are still children. We did not share the news of her death until we knew that her friends and classmates had been notified. Not once did I go on Facebook and lament about my teenager's death. I never blamed the administration or demanded answers. I planned her visitation and funeral. It was decided that her visitation would be on a Friday and the funeral on Saturday. I worried that there was a football game on Friday and her friends from band would not be able to attend. So we planned a special visitation for them on Saturday before the funeral. We made sure that they got the best seats. We made sure they were loved on and looked after. Not once did we lay blame or demand answers. My only goal was to worry about my children and the children that loved my daughter. Numerous teachers and members of the administration, including the principal, showed up to the visitation and funeral. We had bus drivers and cafeteria workers show up. The Wilson County School System administration and employees showed up.
When I got word that another child had died, my first thought was of her mother. I couldn't get to her fast enough. She was being inducted into the club that no one wants to be a member of and I couldn't let her do it alone. We cried and cried together. Not once did I lament on Facebook about the death of another child. Not once did I demand answers from the administration or teachers. I did however watch as the town of Lebanon jumped to social media to demand answers and lay blame. They brought my daughter into it. As we were trying to pick up the pieces of our lives and just live, the town was going to the media and dragging us even deeper into despair. Through it all, I worried and prayed for the mother. Because unless you have lost a child, you have NO CLUE what someone is going through.
It has been 5 months since Catherine died and as each day passes, it gets harder and harder to live. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces and most days my number one goal is to just stay alive. No one knows what I am going through. No one understands the incredible darkness and depression that comes from losing your child.
When I saw the "Welcome to Lebanon High School" video on social media, another part of me died inside. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never emerge. My arms went numb and my stomach hurt. In that moment, I just wanted to die. Thank God I was at work and not alone. I've watched this video go viral. I've watched this town attack one another. I've watched as we have the side that hates the administration and the side that supports the administration. I've seen the article come up on CNN, The Washington Post, the Associated Press, and the front page of Reddit. I've seen different names for each article and all of them make me sick to my stomach. And I ask, what has this video accomplished? Has a solution been introduced? Has anyone sat down and had a discussion? Has anyone done anything other than support or attack the administration? What about the families of the ones that have lost a child? I watched the mother of the young woman that made the video, drag up the three deaths that have occurred in the last 2 years. What did any of that accomplish? Seriously. I want to know. Because I promise that it didn't bring back my daughter, or her friend, or anyone else that died. It did nothing except divide a town.
Someone said to me that parents are worried about the deaths because it might happen to their child. Fair enough. Let me ask though, what the hell is social media going to do to fix it? If you are scared that your child is being bullied or is depressed, TALK TO THEM. If they don't give you answers and you are still concerned, seek medical help. Talk to your pastor or pediatrician. Take away their social media. Worry about YOUR child. Worry about their well being because I promise, that is where your focus needs to be. Not on the administration of the school. Or the death of my daughter, or anyone else's child. Trust me, if I thought for one second that all this would bring her back, I would be leading the charge.
None of this will bring back my daughter or any other child. All this does is bring the grieving families to a place of despair. I am tired of seeing my daughter's death brought up. If you want to talk about her, talk about the dash in between the day she was born and the day she died. THAT is what matters. Screaming on Facebook is accomplishing nothing productive. Not a damn thing. It does however put my grieving children in an awful place at school when classmates ask them about their sister and repeat the things that their parents are saying.
Last night I laid in Catherine's bed and cried. I wept and curled up into a ball and cried until I couldn't breathe. I cried for the loss of my best friend. I cried for the loss of such a beautiful life. I cried because of the incredible sense of being alone. Because when an entire town is screaming at each other and divided over the loss of beautiful children, all it does is make this grieving mother draw further into herself. It makes me not want to leave the house or see people. Grief is exhausting and all consuming and oh so lonely. I ask this town, the town that I have lived in for almost 30 years to stop going on Facebook. Stop dragging grieving families into even darker places. Worry about your own children. I promise, they need you and are not immune to all this. Think about the ones that have lost a child and are fighting to survive. When you want to know how to fix the issue of bullying, take a meal to a neighbor and talk to them. Put down the phones. Reach out to your school's administration and ask how you can volunteer.It is not their job to teach your child how to be nice. It is their job to educate them. But please, and I beg of you, stop stressing about the dead and start loving on the living because God knows they need it the most.
When Catherine died, I remember being in shock and most of the moments and days after are still hazy. What I do remember is calling her best friend's mother and telling her that Catherine died because I knew that she would want to tell her daughter. I made sure that the band director and principal of the school knew. We discussed the best way to tell her friends and classmates because despite being in high school, they are still children. We did not share the news of her death until we knew that her friends and classmates had been notified. Not once did I go on Facebook and lament about my teenager's death. I never blamed the administration or demanded answers. I planned her visitation and funeral. It was decided that her visitation would be on a Friday and the funeral on Saturday. I worried that there was a football game on Friday and her friends from band would not be able to attend. So we planned a special visitation for them on Saturday before the funeral. We made sure that they got the best seats. We made sure they were loved on and looked after. Not once did we lay blame or demand answers. My only goal was to worry about my children and the children that loved my daughter. Numerous teachers and members of the administration, including the principal, showed up to the visitation and funeral. We had bus drivers and cafeteria workers show up. The Wilson County School System administration and employees showed up.
When I got word that another child had died, my first thought was of her mother. I couldn't get to her fast enough. She was being inducted into the club that no one wants to be a member of and I couldn't let her do it alone. We cried and cried together. Not once did I lament on Facebook about the death of another child. Not once did I demand answers from the administration or teachers. I did however watch as the town of Lebanon jumped to social media to demand answers and lay blame. They brought my daughter into it. As we were trying to pick up the pieces of our lives and just live, the town was going to the media and dragging us even deeper into despair. Through it all, I worried and prayed for the mother. Because unless you have lost a child, you have NO CLUE what someone is going through.
It has been 5 months since Catherine died and as each day passes, it gets harder and harder to live. My heart is broken into a thousand pieces and most days my number one goal is to just stay alive. No one knows what I am going through. No one understands the incredible darkness and depression that comes from losing your child.
When I saw the "Welcome to Lebanon High School" video on social media, another part of me died inside. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never emerge. My arms went numb and my stomach hurt. In that moment, I just wanted to die. Thank God I was at work and not alone. I've watched this video go viral. I've watched this town attack one another. I've watched as we have the side that hates the administration and the side that supports the administration. I've seen the article come up on CNN, The Washington Post, the Associated Press, and the front page of Reddit. I've seen different names for each article and all of them make me sick to my stomach. And I ask, what has this video accomplished? Has a solution been introduced? Has anyone sat down and had a discussion? Has anyone done anything other than support or attack the administration? What about the families of the ones that have lost a child? I watched the mother of the young woman that made the video, drag up the three deaths that have occurred in the last 2 years. What did any of that accomplish? Seriously. I want to know. Because I promise that it didn't bring back my daughter, or her friend, or anyone else that died. It did nothing except divide a town.
Someone said to me that parents are worried about the deaths because it might happen to their child. Fair enough. Let me ask though, what the hell is social media going to do to fix it? If you are scared that your child is being bullied or is depressed, TALK TO THEM. If they don't give you answers and you are still concerned, seek medical help. Talk to your pastor or pediatrician. Take away their social media. Worry about YOUR child. Worry about their well being because I promise, that is where your focus needs to be. Not on the administration of the school. Or the death of my daughter, or anyone else's child. Trust me, if I thought for one second that all this would bring her back, I would be leading the charge.
None of this will bring back my daughter or any other child. All this does is bring the grieving families to a place of despair. I am tired of seeing my daughter's death brought up. If you want to talk about her, talk about the dash in between the day she was born and the day she died. THAT is what matters. Screaming on Facebook is accomplishing nothing productive. Not a damn thing. It does however put my grieving children in an awful place at school when classmates ask them about their sister and repeat the things that their parents are saying.
Last night I laid in Catherine's bed and cried. I wept and curled up into a ball and cried until I couldn't breathe. I cried for the loss of my best friend. I cried for the loss of such a beautiful life. I cried because of the incredible sense of being alone. Because when an entire town is screaming at each other and divided over the loss of beautiful children, all it does is make this grieving mother draw further into herself. It makes me not want to leave the house or see people. Grief is exhausting and all consuming and oh so lonely. I ask this town, the town that I have lived in for almost 30 years to stop going on Facebook. Stop dragging grieving families into even darker places. Worry about your own children. I promise, they need you and are not immune to all this. Think about the ones that have lost a child and are fighting to survive. When you want to know how to fix the issue of bullying, take a meal to a neighbor and talk to them. Put down the phones. Reach out to your school's administration and ask how you can volunteer.It is not their job to teach your child how to be nice. It is their job to educate them. But please, and I beg of you, stop stressing about the dead and start loving on the living because God knows they need it the most.
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