A few weeks ago, my mother helped me get my house in order. We systematically went through each room in the house and de-cluttered, dusted, organized, and made the house look like people live there. As we were going through my sewing stuff, my mother kept finding unfinished projects. Pretty soon the pile got to be pretty big and I counted 9 sewing projects that I started but didn't finish. Later that night I was telling Josh about it and how I couldn't believe I had that many unfinished projects. I mentioned that the depression must have gotten fairly bad and then we had a conversation that looked like this:
Josh: Babe, that wasn't your depression that kept you from doing those projects, it was your ADD.
Me: My what??
Josh: Your ADD. You have ADD, right?
Me: Um, what? I don't have ADD.
Josh: Yes, you do. Didn't you know?
Me: No, I didn't know because I don't have ADD.
Josh: Yes, you do. I never looked at it as a flaw, I just thought it was a part of you and that you knew and just dealt with it.
Me: I don't have ADD.
Josh: Yes, you do. I can walk in the door at night and see exactly where you have been all day.
Me: That's bullshit. How can you tell where I have been all day?
Josh: Well, when I walk in the door, I see the mail that has been opened but not completely. And then I see your purse down the hall, your shoes a few feet away, your drink on a table, and I just follow the trail until I find you. Not to mention the 9 unfinished projects upstairs. Those are just the ones you know about.
Me: Yeah, it's because I get distracted by the kids and all the stuff that needs to be done.
Josh: Yeah, because of your ADD.
It was an interesting conversation. So a few weeks later, we went to our joint doctors appointment. He mentioned it to our doctor. Her reply? "What? You didn't know?" NO! I swear I didn't know. All the years of filling out the ADD/ADHD forms for the boys and while I recognized a lot of myself in the questionnaire, I just thought it was adult stuff that kids couldn't handle.
But then I started thinking about it. Life always seems to be so hard. There are days when I don't do anything because I'm so overwhelmed by the tasks in front of me that I can't move forward. Hence, all the unfinished projects. So I agreed to give medication a try. It couldn't hurt, right?
So, on Friday I started medication for the "alleged" ADD that I have as a grown woman. Um, my husband was right. Friday was the most productive day. I was able to focus on the tasks at hand and get it all done. It was insane! And the anxiety I suffer daily was manageable. Last night I looked at Josh and told him I was tired. I haven't been tired in years. Like, can't keep my eyes open tired. I take enough medication at night to help me sleep that it would put a normal person out for days. Josh looked at me and told me that this is how normal people feel at the end of the day. They don't have a million things running through their head that keeps them awake all night. I slept fairly well last night. And I woke up this morning, ready (and able) to conquer the day. I got more done by 11am than I do most weekends.
With the exception of my depression and anxiety, I typically keep my health issues private. But I wanted to share this with you all because maybe it can help someone else. ADD/ADHD has such a negative reputation. You know your dad/grandfather says "Back in my day, no one had ADD/ADHD, they just got an ass whoopin'!!" It is real and for some it can be debilitating. A lot of times it can disguise itself as depression or anxiety. As a parent that has lost a child, my depression and anxiety have been almost unbearable. Since being on medication for this ADD, life doesn't seem as overwhelming and hard. As parents, we tend to focus on our children and forget to focus on ourselves. We make it through the day and while being busy, nothing has been accomplished.
I asked Josh this morning if all my activity was driving him crazy yet. He looked at me and said he had such a low level of stress because he didn't feel like the weight of everything was on his shoulders. I imagine it is exhausting picking up after your wife that can't stay focused. Or walking around the house and seeing half finished tasks. Or hearing your wife say. "Don't worry, I will finish that in a bit" at least 5 times a day. Turns out, it wasn't just me that was struggling.
So, take this post as you like. If it helps one person, then good. If it changes your view of "brain health" then awesome.
Josh: Babe, that wasn't your depression that kept you from doing those projects, it was your ADD.
Me: My what??
Josh: Your ADD. You have ADD, right?
Me: Um, what? I don't have ADD.
Josh: Yes, you do. Didn't you know?
Me: No, I didn't know because I don't have ADD.
Josh: Yes, you do. I never looked at it as a flaw, I just thought it was a part of you and that you knew and just dealt with it.
Me: I don't have ADD.
Josh: Yes, you do. I can walk in the door at night and see exactly where you have been all day.
Me: That's bullshit. How can you tell where I have been all day?
Josh: Well, when I walk in the door, I see the mail that has been opened but not completely. And then I see your purse down the hall, your shoes a few feet away, your drink on a table, and I just follow the trail until I find you. Not to mention the 9 unfinished projects upstairs. Those are just the ones you know about.
Me: Yeah, it's because I get distracted by the kids and all the stuff that needs to be done.
Josh: Yeah, because of your ADD.
It was an interesting conversation. So a few weeks later, we went to our joint doctors appointment. He mentioned it to our doctor. Her reply? "What? You didn't know?" NO! I swear I didn't know. All the years of filling out the ADD/ADHD forms for the boys and while I recognized a lot of myself in the questionnaire, I just thought it was adult stuff that kids couldn't handle.
But then I started thinking about it. Life always seems to be so hard. There are days when I don't do anything because I'm so overwhelmed by the tasks in front of me that I can't move forward. Hence, all the unfinished projects. So I agreed to give medication a try. It couldn't hurt, right?
So, on Friday I started medication for the "alleged" ADD that I have as a grown woman. Um, my husband was right. Friday was the most productive day. I was able to focus on the tasks at hand and get it all done. It was insane! And the anxiety I suffer daily was manageable. Last night I looked at Josh and told him I was tired. I haven't been tired in years. Like, can't keep my eyes open tired. I take enough medication at night to help me sleep that it would put a normal person out for days. Josh looked at me and told me that this is how normal people feel at the end of the day. They don't have a million things running through their head that keeps them awake all night. I slept fairly well last night. And I woke up this morning, ready (and able) to conquer the day. I got more done by 11am than I do most weekends.
With the exception of my depression and anxiety, I typically keep my health issues private. But I wanted to share this with you all because maybe it can help someone else. ADD/ADHD has such a negative reputation. You know your dad/grandfather says "Back in my day, no one had ADD/ADHD, they just got an ass whoopin'!!" It is real and for some it can be debilitating. A lot of times it can disguise itself as depression or anxiety. As a parent that has lost a child, my depression and anxiety have been almost unbearable. Since being on medication for this ADD, life doesn't seem as overwhelming and hard. As parents, we tend to focus on our children and forget to focus on ourselves. We make it through the day and while being busy, nothing has been accomplished.
I asked Josh this morning if all my activity was driving him crazy yet. He looked at me and said he had such a low level of stress because he didn't feel like the weight of everything was on his shoulders. I imagine it is exhausting picking up after your wife that can't stay focused. Or walking around the house and seeing half finished tasks. Or hearing your wife say. "Don't worry, I will finish that in a bit" at least 5 times a day. Turns out, it wasn't just me that was struggling.
So, take this post as you like. If it helps one person, then good. If it changes your view of "brain health" then awesome.
OH MY GOSH Erin! I started ADD medicine this week too. As a matter of fact that is what I was picking up at Walgreens when I saw you the other night. I didn't really think I had it either until I went back to school. It has been insane that I can't finish even the simpilist project. I even told my doctor that I thought it was just mom brain, LOL. He just laughed and said let's try this medicine. It won't hurt you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for putting this out there. Solidairty to us all!!
Mary Felkins